Traumatised by the fact that Nottingham Forest beat Liverpool at Anfield for the first time since 1969, Liverpool manager Arne Slot sought therapy before the Forest game.
“The thought of the return fixture was particularly harrowing for me,” said Slot, 46. “The first defeat to Nottingham Forest at Anfield in 55 years was on me, it was on my watch!”
“Subsequently, I immediately sought a renowned Dutch therapist, Dr. Emil Schaffhausen, who was born in the same pointless village as me, Bergentheim, Holland.”
“I kept having the same recurring nightmare about Nottingham Forest,” he said. “It was a cold, foggy night at the City Ground and Forest orchestrated another attack via Morgan Gibbs-White with a fluid counter, cutting through our midfield. The ball came to Hudson-Odoi on the left and he cut inside and scored with his trademark strike that nestled in the corner of the net, leaving our keeper kicking and writhing against the mist-sodden turf.”
“It was another swift attack and a wonderful finish from the Chelsea reject, and I awoke in a cold sweat. I hadn’t felt like this since Jurgen Klopp stopped inviting me to his garden parties.”
Slot watched theatre productions until his eyes bled
“Having spoken to Dr. Schaffausen, he reassured me. He helped me find my happy place by looking at pictures of proper football managers who won things without inheriting someone else’s team, Bill Shankly, Joe Fagan, and Bob Paisley.”
“Together, we watched the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, Carousel, continually until my eyes started to bleed. I realised I was not alone but when Forest opened the scoring through Chris Wood I had to call Emil at half-time. I told him that it was happening again. I could hear the voices and reached for the Scotch nectar.”
“Emil managed to calm me down and advised me to seek a ‘happy player’ to put on just after half-time, to quell my anxieties about my wife leaving me for Chris Wood and taking the children to New Zealand.”
Arne Slot sought therapy before the Forest game and relied on a psychotherapist’s notes to help his anxieties
Arne was seen checking his therapy notes in the dugout before the teams came out for the second half. His list of ‘happy players’ contained Diogo Jota who had already scored six goals against the Premier League’s team of the season.
When we asked Nuno about Arne Slot’s state of mind before the game, the Forest supremo replied in his usually cold demeanour, expressing sympathy for anyone with concerns about their mental health, asking them to seek advice if they can get through the Iron Curtain of a doctor’s receptionist.
“The fact that Arne Slot sought therapy before the Forest game was of no consequence to us. It is as irrelevant as the league table after twenty games. It just motivated our fans even more,” continued Nuno Espírito Santo.
“Not that the fans need motivating to support this glorious club, but it just makes Chris Wood’s goal even sweeter when we see Arne fumbling for his therapist’s number and talking to a bottle of Glenfiddich after eight minutes.”
Next up for Forest is Southampton with many predicting a resounding win for the Tricky Trees with less nervy moments anticipated in the Forest dugout.
Tree Seasons prediction – Forest 3 – Saints 0.
