Nottingham Forest’s entire team was struck down by the off-day virus at the weekend, as Forest were taken to pieces by AFC Bournemouth at the Vitality Stadium.
It’s common for anyone to be hit by the off-day virus and it’s widely anticipated that, at some point, everyone will have an off-day virus.
However, it is extremely rare for an entire team to go down with an off-day virus.
An unusual off-day virus can strike at any moment and there is no prior warning. The only symptoms that arise from the virus are feelings of fatigue, dizziness, incompetence, and a I-don’t-give-a-f#%! attitude.
Failure, shame, and the sensation of regret can often follow once the virus has subsided and eventually worn off.
The wheels can drop off with the off-day virus.
When the off-day virus attacks multiple team members there is often a system of blame that is experienced. The blame is passed around and culminates in enhanced f#%/-ups and a deeper, more intense crushing defeat which can cause the wheels to completely fall off.
Speaking after the game, Forest manager, Nuno Espírito Santo, said, “The entire team was hit by the off-day virus but it doesn’t appear to be terminal. We are getting a mechanic in to assess the damage and see if he can replace the wheels with the ones that worked so well prior to the Bournemouth game.”
Being hit by the off-day virus was anticipated.
Many people, including myself, predicted the virus. There is a widespread belief that Nottingham Forest have simply been riding their luck for most of the season, especially during the Liverpool, Aston Villa, and Wolves games.
Many people, including Champagne socialist, Gary Neville, and Jamie ‘Child expectorator’ Carragher, anticipated the wheels falling off at Forest before Christmas. They were so smug when they heard the news and couldn’t wait to hit social media with a swift update of the damning defeat.
It appears that the only remedy to shut these so-called experts up is for Forest to get a prescription for a few more signings from Dr. Marinakis.
“If the team can recover before next Saturday’s game against Brighton, we can get back to winning ways and put the 5-0 thumping behind us,” said Nuno. “Anthony Elanga wasn’t hit as hard as the others,” he continued, “but the virus cut through the starting eleven and the players on the bench like a dose of syphilis in a brothel.”
Is it just a 24-hour thing?
Forest are hoping that the unfortunate virus is just a twenty-four-hour thing, and something they can vaccinate themselaves against in the latter half of the season.
Despite many of the players being able to shrug it off after one game, others such as Marcus Rashford and his fake Brazilian teammate, Antony, have had the virus all season – like the whole of the Spurs squad.
Whilst professional footballers try to avoid contracting any virus more than once, it’s not unheard of to contract the illness a few times a season. Therefore, specialists would then use the plural term, off-day’s’ virus. Once the virus turns up more than once, it can affect confidence and one’s mental health, often resulting in sackings, transfer list additions, or even trips to the Job Centre.
In fact, Mo Salah contracted a similar virus during both Forest games this season and suffered from it so severely that, during the game at Anfield, Salah shrank to the size of a golf ball and disappeared into Alex Moreno’s pocket for the full 90 minutes.
All of us at Tree Seasons are hoping that the team will make a full recovery before the Brighton game on Saturday. If so, our prediction for that game is 2-1 to Forest. However, if Forest are still suffering , we reckon the result will be more like 3-0 to Brighton & Hove Albion.
