An Ipswich Town supporter has been discovered in a flat in Claydon and claims to be able to read and write. Not only that but, despite his agricultural surroundings in Suffolk, he is adamant that he has never driven a tractor in his entire life.
“It’s true,” said lifelong Ipswich Town supporter, “Maxim Gorky, and there are many more like me.”
The startling revelation came about when it was discovered that Ed Sheeran is an Ipswich Town supporter. The English singer-songwriter has continually been spotted in the stands supporting his beloved Ipswich Town as they continually lose games by trying to play a progressive style of football against established Premier League teams with far better players.
Ed Sheeran is an Ipswich Town supporter who owns a tractor...and lots of land.
It was later pointed out that Sheeran can actually read and write but he is from Halifax, Yorkshire.
“It’s true. Ed Sheeran is actually from Halifax. He does own a tractor but his literacy skills are sublime,” expressed Mr. Gorky. “He writes all his own songs you know.”
Ipswich Town entertain Nottingham Forest at the weekend and it appears very likely that the away supporters will chant the obligatory, “We can’t read, we can’t write, but we can drive a tractor”, implying that Ipswich Town fans are illiterate landowners with heavy machinery and shameful links to the 19th-century slave trade.
Ralph Nathaniel Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes is the son of a farmer from Ipswich.
“I just don’t make any sense,” Continued Gorky,” I’m from Ipswich and also a published author. Ralph Fiennes is from Ipswich and he’s a famous actor, learning his lines and delivering them with the utmost eloquence. Also, furthermore, Britain’s first female pilot, Edith Maud Cook, was from Ipswich and was an aviator. She couldn’t fly a f~@%ing plane if she was illiterate and spent more time on her father’s farming vehicles.”
He’s not wrong. Although actor Ralph Fiennes is from Ipswich, his father, who was a farmer with links to slavery, gifted Ralph a triple-barrel name at birth which immediately grants him a posh education which rids him of illiteracy.
“It’s the same as the insulting chant that Forest fans were guilty of singing at Leicester City,” continued the highly articulate Mr Gorky, “Leicester isn’t completely absent of English people.”
I suppose these facts do make a mockery of the football chants we hear on the terraces, on a Saturday afternoon at the world-famous City Ground. I suppose, in some ways, the same could be said about the Forest fans who did go on strike during the miners’ strike in the mid-1980s. Even if there are former Nottinghamshire miners at the Forest matches, I’m pretty sure that not all of them were ‘scabs’ when Sheffield United and Barnsley played Forest.
However, Manchester City fans cannot deny that any chants towards them about a valid attempt to cheat and aid corruption with Saudi Arabian-backed cash are highly justified.
Tree Seasons prediction: Ipswich Town 5 – Nottingham Forest 3.
