Liverpool’s poor Premier League form could escalate as it has emerged that Arne Slot is suffering from AI psychosis.
Born, Arend Monty Slot, in the summer of ‘78, the former Eerste Divisie – Football in the Netherlands – Wikipedia – player has spoken out about his fixated obsession with A.I. and how he is confiding in ChatGPT to make tactical decisions.
Still renowned for being the slowest player in Dutch football, Arne Slot, 47, managed to make great progress in the second tier of Dutch football thanks to his passing abilities and his sniper-like vision.
His former coach, Kenning Van-Hire, 68, said, “It doesn’t surprise me that Arne Slot is suffering from A.I. psychosis because he always had grandiose delusions about the truth.”
“When he used to train, we didn’t use a stopwatch; we used a calendar,” continued Van-Hire, “but Arne always insisted that he was a fast runner. He’s the motorway’s equivalent of a National Express coach: always being overtaken in the outside lane. This is probably why he’s so obsessed with fast players, like Callum Hudson-Odoi and Sweden’s Anthony Elanga.”
Slot’s reassuring chatbot
A.I. models are coded to amplify and validate individual characteristics, and Arne’s inferiority complex has been bolstered with reassuring conversation from a chatbot.
Leading Romanian psychologist, Dr. John Steward, said, “Arne Slot has clearly fallen in love with an A.I. chatbot, and is showing classic signs of A.I. psychosis.”
“And anyone can clearly see that Arne Slot is suffering from A.I. psychosis because his tactics on the football field are indicative of the decisions made by an artificial intelligence.”
“Arne tells me that he rarely rests, enjoying only two hours of sleep a night, and he is turning to A.I. for emotional support, relationship advice, and recipes.” – Sleep Is the Line AI Cannot Cross | Psychology Today
A.I. psychosis is a growing concern, and, like Slot, many people believe that A.I. has godlike abilities to solve human problems, on and off the pitch.
Arne Slot is suffering, and it could get much worse.
Only six weeks ago, Jonathon Harker, a 22-year-old student from Illinois, embarked on a 24-hour, drug-fueled destruction of technology, in which 247 iMacs were left with life-changing injuries. Harker blamed ChatGPT for his girlfriend’s promiscuity after she slept with her college professor, four members of the football team, and an X1 Neo. Harker later turned a Nintendo Switch controller on himself and proceeded to click the ‘B’ button, in what was seen as a tragic day for idiots everywhere.
“Arne Slot is suffering from A.I. psychosis, and he could get worse,” concluded Dr John Steward.
“What people like Mr. Slut don’t appear to grasp is that A.I. creates an artificial human dynamic, inadvertently fueled and entrenched within the individual who believes its b#ll$h!t. He’s stuck in a meta-loop.”
“What we are clearly seeing here is a clueless football manager who has inherited a £billion football team from a competent manager, and who is parading it as his own making. Consequently, he is turning to technology that is designed by nerds with no conversational or sociable characteristics, and reside in bunkers and dimly lit basements with no natural light, only to be served by a single parent who sees them once or twice a day when sustenance is required. It’s not f#%in’ healthy.”
All this comes about at a time when Arend Slut’s team takes on Nottingham Forest at Anfield this weekend. Forest will be hoping for a repeat of last season’s result, which led to Nottingham Forest’s first win at Anfield since medieval times.
A.I. predicts: Liverpool 7 – Nottingham Forest 108.
