Being held together with nothing more than duct tape and silicon sealant, Storm Eowyn is set to blow away AFC Bournemouth’s stadium and destroy nearby buildings.
A rare red weather warning has been issued for Northern Ireland and parts of Devon for Friday night, just hours before the football match between AFC Bournemouth and Nottingham Forest kicks off.
The rare warnings for wind mean flying debris such as the entire Vitality Stadium roof could cause a danger to life.
With gusts anticipated up to 100mph (161km/h) along exposed Devon coasts, the Vitality Stadium will be reduced to nothing more than a carpark for dogging and pub brawls.
A mere 38mph gust could blow away AFC Bournemouth’s stadium.
The stadium was built from tin, Cuban car parts, cheap Swedish furniture and pieces of Chinese newspaper in 1910. It has an almost pointless capacity of 11,307 and will hold nobody before kick-off if Storm Eowyn is set to blow AFC Bournemouth’s stadium away when the gusts hit 38 mph.
The Forest match was abandoned at the Vitality Stadium last year when the roof fell off due to a colony of bats deciding to mate there. Similar to the rats at Old Trafford, small mammals can carry disease and cause considerable damage, especially if the ground is held together with duct tape and Weetabix.
Forest fans, who have long complained about the Main Stand at the City Ground, have been put on high alert and urged to donate as much Lego as possible, in an attempt to add stability and colour to the dull, fragile structure at Dean Court.
Millions have been asked to stay at home – all schools in Northern Ireland have been advised to close and people have been told not to stay indoors if they fear losing a valuable internet connection.
The Met Office warned AFC Bournemouth fans to expect damage to buildings with roofs blown off and significant disruption to travel.
Exposed Badger set, a Ford Cortina and a local brothel.
In 2001, the playing surface at Dean Court was moved a full 90 degrees due to an exposed badger set at one end and the view from a nearby brothel being obscured by an abandoned Ford Cortina. The improvement meant the stadium could accommodate another twelve people who could safely watch the game without harassment and cheer for The Cherries.
We sincerely hope that nobody is hurt during the storm – except for crap referee, Anthony Taylor – and we hope the game isn’t called off because AFC Bournemouth currently have injury problems, with a significant number of key players expected to miss the game……along with a large chunk of the stadium.
Despite the injury crisis and the potential of the game being played in May, we predict a score of 2-2 because Bournemouth are an in-form team and quite good at the moment.
