In a startling revelation, a top statistician exposes how Dr Harold Shipman was more clinical at home than Nottingham Forest.
After just fifteen games, top football statistician, Elaine Mundane from Dunblane, has exposed some startling facts with regard to Nottingham Forest’s mediocre start to the season.
Sitting just above the relegation zone, Nottingham Forest is one of the hardest teams to watch. Not only have the results been poor, but the games have all the excitement of a funeral.
Elaine Mundane, 38, has collated some facts and revealed that Nottingham Forest are getting things terribly wrong on the field.
Wolves haven’t been so bad since the days of the three little pigs.
“Although stats don’t always tell the full story, my data confirms the harsh reality of Forest’s immediate position. Forget possession and XG, you need to look more closely to determine where a team is falling short.”
“One of the first obvious stats is the number of times Forest players give the ball away. I have calculated that German porn stars give their balls away less frequently than Nottingham Forest.”
Hutchinson, Gibbs-White and Dan N’Doye are all culpable of unforced errors, and, as we witnessed against a poor Everton side, Forest’s inability to string a series of accurate passes together culminates in defeat.”
“Although Forest managed to scrape a win away at Wolves, my stats show that Nottingham Forest were actually lucky to come away with all 3 points,” said Elaine Mundane. “Since 2023, it’s all been going wrong for Wolves, and Forest were just in the right place at the right time to ensure victory.”
“I predicted a win for Forest because Wolves are extraordinarily awful – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lom3WHreark . In fact, Wolves haven’t been so bad since three little pigs embarked on separate architectural careers,” said Elaine Mundane.
Forest need to be more clinical at home.
“Putting last season aside, Forest have only managed to scrape survival since returning to the Premier League and, like Wolves, have benefited from the bottom three sides, especially within the last three seasons, being the worst performing teams ever. Unfortunately for Nottingham Forest, this season’s newly promoted teams have been a lot better, and at least one of those teams will stay up.”
“I would go as far as saying that the most concerning stats within my findings are those of Forest’s home record. It would appear that Nottingham-born serial killer, Dr Harold Shipman, was more clinical at home than Nottingham Forest.”
“From 9 home games in all competitions, Nottingham Forest have only managed to execute 3 wins, whereas Dr Harold Shipman was far more prolific at home,” concluded the stat master, Mundane.
With a trip to FC Utrecht in midweek, and a home game against Spurs at the weekend, let’s hope that Forest can be more clinical at home and still manage to beat a s#!t Dutch side, away in Thursday night’s Europa League clash.
Tree Season Prediction: FC Utrecht 0 – Nottingham Forest 0 – https://treeseasons.co.uk/contact-us-tree-seasons-nottingham-forest/ – COYR!
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