There is only way to describe the moment when Thomas Tuchel picked his first England squad. He must’ve been high on drugs.
Morgan Gibbs-White’s forty-yard diagonal pass to set-up Callum Hudson-Odoi for the winner against Manchester City was reason alone for Tuchel to incude him in the England squad. Even without that pass, Gibbs-White’s form – at the time – and his stats proved that he is one of the best attacking midfielders in the game.
Looking back, it’s hard to believe that he didn’t pick Anderson sooner.
Forest fans know how good Gibbs-White can be, and the opposition certainly knows how good he is when on form, but when his name wasn’t even on the teamsheet for two shi#y World Cup qualifiers against mediocre teams, we could only conclude that Thomas Tuchel picked the England squad whilst high on drugs.
There was no Elliot Anderson at the time, which is hard to believe now – especially as he has revolutionalised the No.6 position -and, in his place, Tuchel picked 34-year-old Jordan Henderson who threw his career down the toilet when he joined the Saudi League for ‘generational wealth’, before realising what a sh#t-show it is.
Thomas Tuchel was left vulnerable by opium mix and high-proof alcohol.
Not wanting to play competative football but still needing a good pension, Henderson opted for the insignificant Dutch league where even Steve McClaren could be a successful manager, and the whore-ridden canal ways and the hash bars are more famous than the football they play there.
Talking of 34-year-olds whose career is dropping off the edge of a cliff, serial father, Kyle Walker was also picked in that England squad and he has since had a ninth child, with a sixth different mother. Having to escape the string of demands for child maintenance payments, Thomas Tuchel was vulnerable.
On a cocktail of horse tranquiliser, tequila, and opium, Thomas Tuchel decided to pick Jordan Henderson and Kyle Walker, whilst leaving out Morgan and Elliot Anderson.
Since Thomas Tuchel’s rehabilitation, however, Elliot Anderson is running the show in midfield, with stats similar to that of Maradona in the 1986 World Cup, and Morgan Gibbs-White has made brief appearances.
An F.A. spokesperson has said, “Now that the manager is off the ketamine and Laudanum – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketamine – the England team has looked a lot brighter and have gone and spanked Serbia 5-0.”
And he concluded by saying, “It makes a refreshing change to see that many goals at an England game. After all, football is supposed to be a form of entertainment.”
